An American woman was killed in Syria. That’s what the breaking news headline said Thursday night.  So that kinda peaks your interest, right? I mean what in the blue h-e-double hockey sticks is an American woman doing in Syria anyway?! Then the next line says, “…fighting for the rebels.”  Period.  No explanation mark!?!? Wow! If there was ever a time for a sentence to have an exclamation point that might have very well been the one.  For that matter shouldn’t every single breaking news item have an exclamation point?  We have lost the ancient art of punctuation.  My kingdom for a semicolon.  Her aunt says she just disappeared last summer. Well now we know! Cancel the picture on the milk carton and hello centerfold of Better Tanks & Armor magazine!  And we consider “reality” Khloe’s frustrating  day hunting for the perfect fragrance. Skank. That’s the scent. Of all of ’em!  Speaking of which it was hot enough this week to melt Bruce Jenner’s face on a  chaise lounge.  The first east coast hot spell of the year.   Michelle Bachman announced this week that she will not seek re-election.  Does Trivial Pursuit have the same waiting period as the hall of fame?   Smithfield Ham sold to a Chinese company this week. It’s all part of the mission to take bacon global. God bless ’em!!!  Since i was  a young boy we’ve always had country hams at the holidays and now that i hark back upon it they never did say WHICH country.  And who knows.  Maybe that’s the way to fight terrorism: bacon.  Terrorists hate bacon, right? I can’t keep up with all of that. Someone better check before they even start on the bacon cannon technology because that could be a huge waste of the other white meat.  Paula Dean’s Poo Poo Platter. That’s fun to type and even more fun to say! Try it! Seriously. Do it!  …see!!!!! Ah. Life’s little joys among the tumult.  And that, to me, is one of the major side-problems of this war on terror and, thus, this entire 21st century.  You can’t even make a joke or the next thing you know there’s a jihad in your front yard and Lord knows my grass is struggling enough without that.  They buried older brother in Doswell. I’ve lived in Virginia my entire life. The only thing I’ve ever known about Doswell is that’s where Kings Dominion is. That’s it. That’s all.  End of story.  Now older brother is buried there.  Where’s John Stewart when you need him?  Jimmy Fallon?… no where to be seen.  Chelsey?  Not lately.  Tell me there’s not a “new ride The Exhuminator” joke there somewhere. And if you do shoot a jihadist in your front yard are you still supposed to drag them in the house or is that now a grey area, too?  How are you supposed to keep up with all of this stuff!?!  That is all that I am politely asking.  Now natural bridge is for sale.  The Tampax Soft and Natural Bridge.  The nTelos Wireless Natural Bridge.  Trump Bridge.    JIFFY LUBE LIVE BRIDGE!!!! And why does Jiffy Lube yell all of the time? Settle down.  It’s a NASCAR world.  We’re all just living in it chasing that neon rainbow living that honky tonk dream.